I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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