We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
