my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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