i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
