I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
