Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
