Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
