I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
