So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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