Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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