I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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