I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's never too late to be topless.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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