Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
