It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize