so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
