He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
