Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
