I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Randomize
