I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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