No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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