Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
