chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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