And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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