She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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