ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
