Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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