ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
