she was so not down for the gang bang
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
