Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
