Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
