Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
