just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
