Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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