Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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