Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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