Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize