too bad you live with your parents still
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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