I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sober January is a disaster.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
