Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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