Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
