Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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