People with herpes should wear stickers.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
