Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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