I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
