Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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