and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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