I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
