She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I have demons in me.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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