you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
