he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
