Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
