Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think a kid would responsible me up
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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