I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She bit a glass in half.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
