Plan B is the new Plan A
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
