just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
