Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize