Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
