On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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