i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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