She is in my trunk
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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