My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize