Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
