The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
