I wish life had little blips of pornography
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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