im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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