I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
