I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
