You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
