I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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